Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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