i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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