she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
