I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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