Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
