i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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