This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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