At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize