My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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