Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
