i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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