She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
