i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
