Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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