omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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