dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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