Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
