I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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