What a fucking waste of an outfit
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
