i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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