I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
