I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
