It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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