Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
