this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
