That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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