Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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