you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
