Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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