yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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