i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
