I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
