I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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