I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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