Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
