He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
