How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
