Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
