shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
