both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
