i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
