we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
