Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
