had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
