I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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