OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
