yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
