Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
