I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize