Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
