I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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