areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
