One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
