I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
