Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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