If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
