so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
