Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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