I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
