Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
