definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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