the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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