its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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