I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
