she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
birth control should be required to get into college
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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