My boss' voice literally gives me gas
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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