I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
