he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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