Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize