true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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